The Book

For around three thousand rupees (inclusive of tax), one can get an Abhingiyam massage in one of the city’s fancy hotels. Using warm Dandidorram oil, brought all the way from Kerala, a specially trained expert will knead away all your stress and body aches (or so the brochure claims)

Three floors down, in a room with freshly painted walls, a giant man wearing only a towel will give you a fifteen minute massage with Johnson’s Baby Oil for a packet of cigarettes. Seems like the better deal no?

Roobs and me have decided to write a book based on our personal experiences. The tentative title for this masterpiece if “How to be an Asshole for Dummies”. Besides being a guideline for becoming the complete asshole, we feel that the book would serve as some sort of uniting factor for assholes around the world. You know how sometimes you read something and think “Oh so there are others who think like me too!” or “Dam that’s exactly what I thought too!” Exactly the same principle applies. It may also provide hope for those who think they have reached the lowest rungs of human existence; they are not there yet.

Ikka and me had our first lover’s tiff. I caught her starting lasciviously at someone’s boobs. That they happened to be my very own man-titties is, quite simply, not the point. So we are currently not on speaking terms, which is a real bitch cause I have been dying to know what she thinks of my new haircut.